I Am Worried My Mom Has Relapsed, Bc She Seems to Be Avoiding Me. Do I Confront Her?
Question by mrr86: I am worried my mom has relapsed, bc she seems to be avoiding me. Do I confront her?
I am 27 yrs old. My mother has been addicted to anything you can become addicted to, for most of her life. I did not know about it until I was around 21. She was using xanax, pain killers, marijuana, and who knows what else. 3 years ago we put her into rehab.
She then moved alone to the other side of the country (from NY to FL) as she could no longer afford to live in NY. When she came to visit me earlier this year, I walked in on her totally drugged up. Sent her back to rehab. And this time I went for a week as well, to a Family Therapy Program, to learn about enabling and codependency. I have since pulled away, and basically told her she is on her own and that I have no control over this, and I will not enable her anymore. But I am having trouble learning if/when I should ever become involved.
We used to be extremely close, and the idea of her moving to FL was very difficult for both of us. She used to call me every few days. But recently she calls once every 2 weeks. I am terrified she is distancing herself because she is using. She has not done any of the things she was supposed to do after rehab, like go to meetings, or outpatient. Which is another huge reason I have removed myself from this addiction.
I meet with her when I am in FL, but I stay out of her addiction. I don’t question her. It’s her life. If she ever wants to bring it up with me, than I am all ears. But if she is going to be sneaky and lie, I would rather not waste my time.
Do you think I should pick up the phone and ask her? Or should I be continuing to practice detachment? I am having trouble determining just HOW detached I should be.
Please help..
-Worried Daughter
Best answer:
Answer by JENNY
You have done all you can do,
Stay detached from the situation.
You took her to rehab,
Twice,
And have wasted enough time and energy on this situation.
She needs to take responsibly now.
You know she is using,
Why ask?
Keep a safe distance emotionally,
But let her know you’re there if she wants/needs you to be.
Good luck,
That is truly a difficult situation.
Answer by D.D.
I am not an addictions expert, I think that you DO need to find someone to talk to when you feel this way, and maybe even explore ongoing intervention type people who will intervene on your and her behalf and get her the help she needs until it takes.
I don’t like some things about dr phil, but he is good at addictions.
He has resources listed at his site as well.
His intervention people he uses are listed there as well.
Take care of yourself.
this method will help you with your feelings and hers too if she ever gets to the point she can deal with them.
It is the only method that will resolve them once and for all, emofree.com, eftmasters.com There is also a way to surrogate tap for others with this method, to help them , at distances.
Get support for you. then figure how you can deal with her.
Maybe report her illegal drug use enough the courts get tired of her and order her into rehab? Until it is successful.