Why We Fear We Create… Help?

Question by umyeah: Why we fear we create… Help?
So I’m a nursing student, and in a psyc class we have been assigned to analyze the thought and behavior process of someone whom we see as “difficult”. I decided to go with a male friend, 28, who has always had relationship problems.

I’m at a road-block with my thinking and need help…

The saying, “what we fear we create” in relationship terms…

He’s had a lot of girls in his life, only a few close ones that stay long. He appears to use ppl when he wants them, only until they fall in love, then he pushes them away. Being his best friend, he even tells me he doesn’t know why he does that. But when they get mad at him, he turns it around to smthn they did to him and he wants them to feel bad about it.

How can I apply “what we fear we create” to this. Does he fear losing control, or what? He doesn’t want them falling in love, but doesn’t let them get away either. When they start to get mad and maybe leave, he makes them feel bad for him…

Maybe I should have picked a less difficult person 😉

Thanks a lot!!!!

Best answer:

Answer by drdr
Borderline personality disorder
Symptoms
By Mayo Clinic staff
Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you behave.
When you have borderline personality disorder, you often have an insecure sense of who you are. That is, your self-image or sense of self often rapidly changes. You may view yourself as evil or bad, and sometimes may feel as if you don’t exist at all. An unstable self-image often leads to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals and values.
Your relationships are usually in turmoil. You often experience a love-hate relationship with others. You may idealize someone one moment and then abruptly and dramatically shift to fury and hate over perceived slights or even minor misunderstandings. This is because people with the disorder often have difficulty accepting gray areas — things seem to be either black or white.
Borderline personality disorder symptoms may include:
•Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees or illegal drug use
•Strong emotions that wax and wane frequently
•Intense but short episodes of anxiety or depression
•Inappropriate anger, sometimes escalating into physical confrontations
•Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
•Suicidal behavior
•Fear of being alone
When to see a doctor
People with borderline personality disorder often feel misunderstood, alone, empty and hopeless. They’re typically full of self-hate and self-loathing. They may be fully aware that their behavior is destructive, but feel unable to change it. Poor impulse control may lead to problems with gambling, driving or even the law. They may find that many areas of their lives are affected, including social relationships, work or school.
If you notice these things about yourself, talk to your doctor or a mental health provider. The right treatment can help you feel better about yourself and help you live a more stable, rewarding life.
If you notice these things in a family member or friend, talk to him or her about seeing a doctor or mental health provider. But keep in mind that you can’t force someone to seek help. If the relationship is causing you significant stress, you may find it helpful to see a therapist yourself.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/borderline-personality-disorder/DS00442/DSECTION=symptoms

American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (4th ed.) (text revision). Washington, D.C.: Author.

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