I Want to Divorce My Husband While He Is in Drug Rehab?
Question by jane m: I want to divorce my husband while he is in drug rehab?
My husband entered drug rehab for 8 months after 12 years (on & off) of addiction to prescription meds. It is a Christian regeneration program. I have decided I want a divorce. He still has 4 months to go. I am afraid he will leave the center or convince me to not go through with the divorce. Of course, the center is very anti-divorce. We have 2 girls ages 8 & 5. I don’t know what to do! I am miserable!!
I have been to this center to see him every weekend for 4 months. I DO NOT see him changing. He still tries to manipulate and control me. Did I mention he suffered a seizure from an OD in front of my girls?? I think i HAVE been there for him for the last 12 years. And I have been lied to countless times. I have stuck by his side through bankruptcy, forclosure, ruining 2 careers and 2 seizures. I am done! I cannot keep going like this.
Best answer:
Answer by Tarsh d
Isnt it better to drop the bombshell while he is somewhere that help is on hand 24/7 than afterwards?
What do you think? Answer below!
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just run…and dont stop….
GL
Are you miserable because he’s getting help or that you didn’t get out sooner?
You have kids and they are having to see their father go through a treatment that they don’t even understand completely.
Why are you giving up on your husband just when he needs you the most? Why aren’t you giving him a chance to prove that he can do his family and himself some good?
Abandon him while he’s in rehab. Classy!
You have to do what is right for you and the children.
o ya i remember him
jst have it set up but wait till he is out
Well, given ONLY what you have said here, He probably deserves a divorce. Go for it. He will find someone to support his recovery some day.
Dont give up on him. You both need time.
give him a chance for the kids, people need each other through the rough stuff. marriage is a roller coaster, see how it is if he gets clean.
If he is going to rehab to get better give him a chance. Sometimes people can change so much you would never recognize them a year ago. give it time and dont be selfish.
What is the reason you want the divorce. If its because of his addiction well hes had it for 12 years…… So what if the center if anti-divorce if thats what u really want then thats what u really should do. IF you arent happy, your children see this, if your husband leaves rehab cause u want divorce then thats not your fault. He is an adult, it would be his choice to leave not yours. Goodluck and I hope yoru kids are doing good through all this.
Ugh…. sadly it’s not uncommon…. I would see how rehab goes first and give it another shot (I know that’s easy for me to say) ….. divorce doesn’t ever really ‘end’ things, especially if you have kids…. so it won’t cure your problems…. my heart goes out to you…. it’s tough enough with young kids when things are good…. I really wish the best for you…hang in there
*EDIT: thanks for the details… your girls and you have suffered enough…. do what you have to do to protect them and yourself especially while they are still young!
I kinda think he needs you the most right about now. You must have irreconcileable differences. If you gotta go, you gotta go. Who cares what the center thinks. Any divorce lawyer you hire will have your best interests in mind.
This is why I don’t want marriage. Goodluck with the situation.
mail him the divorce papers directly to the rehab from your lawyer, if he is not going to stay clean, don’t let him see the kids.
what a dilema! on one hand you have your personal wants and needs. and on the other you have the vows you made before God with your husband and now your children, i’m sure you have a reason to regret the fact you abandoned your family just when they needed you the most. sleep well
I am curious. Experience with some men has had me keep them around (stupidly) when they were not even serious about real help. Why would you leave someone if he truly has now gotten into a program and has stuck with it for four months? You may find a whole new wonderful man coming out of there. This is an addiction and a sickness and I could see how twelve years would be a long haul but why now when he is seeking to change? Did you meet someone? Get used to life without him and decide you don’t need him? I would have to hear more of the story. Do you love him or did you ever?
“For better and for worse. In SICKNESS and in health”
You need to at least let him get well.
If he doesn’t get well, then he is CHOOSING to stay that way. But to divorce him when he is trying to do something about his problem?
That is cold.
You will have to answer your higher power for that.
Hope you can sleep at night and look yourself in the mirror after this, dear. I guess vows mean nothing to you, huh?
And talk about kicking someone when they are down. What a class act YOU are! (Yes, that is sarcasm, just in case you are too thick to figure it out…) Maybe you should just go, he would be better off without you. He has probably been popping pills because he is stuck with such a “wonderful” person for a wife.
I think if you divorce him while he is still in there then as soon as you say divorce to him or show him the papers, he will go into a meltdown. He will probably quit the rehab which would be worse then you be miserable because not only would you two be miserable so would your girls. If i were you i would wait to make sure he is stable, out of rehab if it worked, and talk and try to work out your problems. If not then you could go for a divorce but remember it is hard on the kids because I am a teenager and my parents divorced when I was young. We may not talk about it with you but having parents divorced is hard and sometimes emotionaly stressful. But, Just talk with your girls and tell them you are simply taking a break. But sometimes a divorce is better for all of you.
file on grounds of his drug habit.If he leaves the center to talk you out of it.you hve a better grounds.
File for divorce NOW and stick to it.if you ;
love your daughter you will.
ok I understand you are not happy, and you have had a rough marriage with him doing the drugs on and off for 12 yrs. You were a strong woman to put up with it.
But it’s pretty low to kick a man when he is down. He is apparently trying to kick his addiction. You filing for divorce while he is in there .. might cause him to have a set back.
If you want the divorce back enough don’t let him convince you. Be strong.
I’m going to try to put aside my personal feelings about a woman who would abandon a man who is trying to recover.
No, on second thought, I’m not going to put it aside. I’ll say the same thing I’d say to a man who thinks the wedding vows mean nothing. You married that man for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. He is doing something positive to change the situation, and you’re responding by throwing in the towel, and robbing two little girls of a daddy. Would you rather he stayed in his addiction and didn’t get help?
Bring on the thumbs down. I won’t feel it.
im so sory for what u’ve been through. i might not understand how miserable ur life is having a hubby like that (im 21, single) but i think what i can say is talk to someone close to u. ur mom, or his mom or even ur sister. ask them if what ur about to do is the best and only way to get u and ur daughters out of the miserable zone. after u settle all that, and after u are very confident and firm with ur decision of getting a divorce, then only u can confront ur hubby. when u are very clear with ur decision, thats when u’ll be ready and not falling back to ur hubby’s arm.
good luck eh.
That’s it kick him while he’s down.
Seriously you needed to do what’s best for you and most importantly your children.
I myself would probably wait until hes out to see if hes changed. With the kids and the history behind it all. But that’s me. You have to make the choice nobody can make it for you.
As for what the center thinks screw them they don’t have to live with the choices you’ve made. stay married or get the divorce either way your the one who has to deal with it. your life live it your way. You have two of the best reasons in the world to look after and raise.
wow, you’re really getting kicked around for this one. they jump on you for “kicking him when he’s down,” then do the same to you. how typically hypocritical of people who have never been there…
i have been. my ex was hooked on pain meds too. a 12-yr addiction like your husband’s is an awfully hard one to crack. while i give him kudos for trying, it must be hard to determine when enough is enough for your marriage. i’m assuming it’s not his first run at a rehab program since it’s been an ongoing issue for so long now – can’t imagine you’d have stayed this long if he had never tried to get help before, nor would you be feeling like you wanted to leave just when he’s finally getting his act together if this was his first program. so if this is a pattern for him (to do rehab/counseling/NA & fall back off the wagon), it must feel like this is just one more time around the block for you. i’m sorry you are in this situation, and even more sorry that your girls are living this life too. i was lucky in that the only one affected by my choices was myself. but i can’t help but feel that if i had had children, i would have been more resolute in doing whatever i needed to do to make sure their lives were not impacted by his illness. if it’s not a marriage i would want to see my daughters in when they’re grown, it’s not one i would want to raise them in now. but hindsight is 20/20 – it’s hard to say, i wasn’t in those shoes at the time.
if the center doesn’t have impartial counselors who can help the both of you (not just your husband), look for one in the yellow pages that works with addicts and their partners. you need to go and talk it out with someone trained in the ways of addictions. if you leave right now, yes, your husband may leave the center. that is his choice, not your fault. you cannot take that blame on yourself, anymore than you can take the blame for his addiction. if he is truly dead-set on changing his life, he will stay and work thru the program with people who can help him. right now, for him, he comes first. he has to or your marriage won’t stand a chance anyway. waiting to leave him until he is out won’t help him at all either – he needs to be where he has the support to get thru it without relapsing. when he’s out, he won’t have that strength.
i went thru this off and on for years with my ex-husband. the best thing that ever happened to me was his going to prison. it is amazing how clear our thinking gets when we aren’t facing the life of living with a drug addict day in and day out. it has been 8 years and the ripple effects from life with him are still here, but it is much much better now that i am out. good luck and peace to you in your decisions.